12 Quick Jokes

1. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

2. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

4. Two antennas walk into a bar, fall in love, get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

6. Two cows walk into a bar, Daisy cow says to Dolly cow:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!", exclaimed Daisy.

7. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

8. A bull walks into a bar and the bartender gets a Deja Moo: The feeling he's heard this bull before.

9. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says:
"I'm going to have to put him down."

"What!!??, because he's cross-eyed???"
"No, because he's really heavy."

10. An invisible man walks into a bar and meets an invisible woman.  They get married. The kids were nothing to look at either.

11. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

12. What did the ocean say to the beach?  Nothing, he just waved.

Math and Women

Marketing in female terms

People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him
and say

"I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One
of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says

"She's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say

"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed,"

That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him
and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his
tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say,

"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says

"I hear you're fantastic in bed"

That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk
him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof
of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs

"I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Junk Mail.