Never swear at Mom

Two brothers, one five years old and the other 4 years old, were talking upstairs in their bedroom.....

"You know what?" says the 5 year old,

"I think it's about time we start swearing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell' and you say 'ass' OK?"

"OK!" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"Ah hell Mom, I guess I'll have some cheerios."

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. The mother looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice:

"And what do you want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be cheerios."

The Gogh Family

After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His dizzy aunt ........................................Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes .................. Gotta Gogh

The constipated uncle ........................... Cant Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store ............................................................. Stopn Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ............... U Gogh

The cousin from Illinois ....................... Chica Gogh

His magician uncle .................... Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ............................. Amee Gogh

The American half brother .................... Grin Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt ..................... Tan Gogh

A sister who loved disco .......................... Go Gogh

The bird lover uncle ........................... Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst .......................... E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin ........................... Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking...Wayto Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ....................... Poe Gogh

And his niece who drives a van... Winnie Bay Gogh

The Compassionate CEO

One afternoon, a wealthy company CEO was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the CEO.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"

"Bring them along!" replied the CEO. He turned to the other man and said "Come with us."

"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" answered the CEO as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says:

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The CEO replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."

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