Two Italian Immigrants

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit

down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,

but her attention is galvanized when she hears

one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine", retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady". said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa?"

'I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella "Mississippi".'

BET YA READ IT TWICE!!

Pantyhose

Question: How many animals can you fit into a pair of Pantyhose???

Answer: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, an unknown number of hares, possibly some crabs, and a fish no one can find.

Poor Skippy

  A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.  They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.  Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

  It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.  Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog which had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice:

"Skippy!"

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.  This time, she didn't even hesitate.  She let a much louder and longer fart rip.  The father again looked at the dog and yelled:

"Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".  A few minutes later, the woman had to let another one rip.  This time, she didn't even think about it.  She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled:

"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"