Learn Chinese in 5 minutes

Chinese in 5 minutes...You MUST read them out loud

1) That's not right ......................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive? .. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP ............................... Kum Hia Nao

5) Small Horse ................................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach? ........... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped into a coffee table .... Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift ............. Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here ..................... Wao So Dim

10) You're on a diet ................ Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone ............... No Pah King

12) Our meeting is not today ...... Wai Yu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight ....................... Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile ....... Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive ....... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great ..................................................... Su Pah

The Missing Dollar

Three men go into a motel. The man behind the desk says the room is $30, so each man paid $10 and went to the room.

A while later the man behind the desk realized the room was only $25, so he sent the bellboy to the three guys' room with $5.

On the way the bellboy couldn't figure out how to split $5 evenly among 3 men, so he gave each man $1 and kept the other $2 for himself.

This means each of the 3 men paid $9 for the room, which is a total of $27, add the $2 that the bellboy kept = $29 

WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR???????????

The gender of objects

You may not know everyday objects have a gender, for example:

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male.  But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Art that plays with your head

Fear and Loathing in Facebook

There are many people out there running around like chickens with their heads cut off, panicking about Corporate Big Brother sniffing up their internet butts.

It's worse now because there are employers out there who think it is perfectly OK to ask you for your Facebook password in their interviewing process:

'Alarmed and Outraged': Your Facebook Privacy

As we all know, Corporate Big Brother wants to make sure his employees are good little mindless drones. You know, symmetrical sprockets to be coupled into his machinery without a cinch. He loves double standards and is super anal like that --even when Corporate Big Brother might be cheating on his wife with the secretary and/or swindling millions from other people.

Yet here we are, with our party attitude, throwing the middle finger, and getting wasted because that's just more fun to do.

Well fear no more my friend. I gots me some good advice here for ya!

Take a lesson from Corporate Big Brother: Learn to keep your social life separate from your professional life DUH!!!

Yes you must do this EVEN IN THE INTERNET.

Unless of course, you're the type of employee who can go up to his/her boss and say "Hey there, let's go to lunch. I'll show you how drunk I got last night. I got so many pictures you're going to love. I may have said bad stuff about you, but nothing I don't say to your face already"

Now that's what I call a great job, but that's not true for everyone :-)

So for those of you afraid of being crushed by the teeth of the corporate world:

• Create a "professional profile" with what you want an employer to find and use it to keep in touch with your professional contacts. Dump all your info there 'cause that's what you want your Corporate Big Brother to find. Your date of birth, your sign, your dog's name, favorite golf club, etc. All this info ALONG WITH YOUR PROFESSIONAL EMAIL:

John.Smith@What.is.thy.bidding.my.master.com

• Create a "social profile" which only your friends can see. I doubt an employer is going to look for "MC Peepants" sucking on a bottle of cheap beer. Of course, USE YOUR REGULAR EMAIL:

MC_Peepants@budweiser.com

If this is too much work, keep Facebook for professional use only and another site as a social site. That's another way of doing it.

Just like in real life, use common sense. You don't show your mooning pictures to your boss and you don't show your expense report to your drinking buddy. Neither one gives a rat's butt about that.

THE END