Giving 100% or more

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might

help you answer these questions:

What makes up 100% in life?

If you assign a number to each letter:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

and represent them as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4 5 = 100%

with,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:

• Hard work and knowledge will get you close
• Attitude will get you there.
• Bullshit and ass kissing will put you over the top.

Pay Attention!!!

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered in a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them:

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them:

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

The Picture On The Nightstand

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Who Brews?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "It's OK, I can wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

Which Hair?

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

 After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office, tells him what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man.

 The supervisor is puzzled by this and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

 The woman replies, "He's half my height!"

Redneck Inventions

Bad Baby

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity.

When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so.

The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. The little boy responded: "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again."